Sunday Evening Musings

I wrote today (it’s what I do), but I’ve been feeling depressed all day for some reason, and when I’m depressed, putting words on paper is like pulling teeth. I’m not one of those artists that pulls their inspiration from pain. (Poetry is different. That almost always comes from pain. I’m speaking about fiction here, and I primarily write fiction.)

When I’m feeling low, what would normally take me an hour to write takes me all day. It’s like torture, but I still try to do it anyway, because writing every day is the gig. It’s how you get better. It’s how you produce work. It’s how you become the author you want to be.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, all around. Mostly because I’ve got stories to write. They need to get out of my head so they quit clanking around in there and keeping me up at night.

This is Why.

This morning, I got one of the most affirming compliments from a reader that an author can receive. (This is copy and pasted): “Many years ago when I used to live in my country (Dominican Rep) I used to write. I had some poems, a couple of short stories, but unfortunately I lost all my creations. Now I feel like the spark to write again, and guess who did I get that spark from? You!”

This is why I don’t define my success by the amount of money I make or whether or not I have a best-seller. Success, to me, is made up of little moments like this. 

An Author’s Thanksgiving

It’s Thanksgiving here in the United States, so the timing of this post is serendipitous. I have been meaning to write something like this for a couple of weeks now, but I’ve been caught up in NaNoWriMo, and I’ve just plain struggled to find the words. I’m still not sure I’ll be able to adequately articulate what I want to say.

I suppose I’ll just say it as simply and as bluntly as I can.

I want to thank every single person who has supported me along my journey as an author, whether that be in small ways just by sending me an encouraging tweet some point along the way or whether you have bought and reviewed every single one of my works. Because of you, I am doing what I love.

I’m not gonna lie, I would be writing regardless, but because there are people out there who actually care – who actually read what I write – it’s given my life purpose. It’s given me the courage to go after what I really want and put my words out there for the world to either embrace or reject.

Just a few years ago, the bane of my adult existence was being asked the question, “What do you do?” because, as a chronically ill person who is unable to work a “normal” job, that question literally sent me into a suicidal spiral. I’m not joking when I say I would walk away from said interaction and question why I was alive for days, if not weeks, afterward. Every. Single. Time.

I always knew I wanted to write, from the moment I learned how, but I never really knew how to put it into practice until the last few years. And it has completely changed my life. Sure, I’m not at a point where I can sustainably live off the income I make from it, but perhaps one day. Besides, that’s never been my definition of success. (One of) My definition(s) of success is being able to answer the “What do you do?” question with a proud “I’m an author!” and not want to crawl into a hole and die. 

If it wasn’t for those of you who are willing to spend a few bucks on my work, take the time out of your day to read it, and then leave feedback somewhere for me to find it, I wouldn’t be able to do that. I wouldn’t be able to finally feel like I’m doing something. Like I’ve found my purpose. (Not that anyone is defined by their job, but you’re often defined by your passion, and writing is my passion.)

So, thank you for caring about what I do. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for giving me a reason to keep going. That’s what I’m thankful for this year and every year. I love you all, and I hope you’ll keep reading as long as I keep writing. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I hope you have a hell of a lot to be thankful for, too. xoxo

The Stigma Around Self-Publishing

I should be adding to my NaNoWriMo word count right now, but I want to take a few minutes to talk about something that’s been irking me lately. Well, not just lately. It’s been irking me for a long time. 

The stigma surrounding self-publishing or being an indie author. 

I just don’t get it. 

If someone is an indie musician, that’s cool. People scramble to be the first to like indie bands/singers. They wanna be the ones to say, “I knew them before they were cool.” Everyone cheers said musician on for “sticking it to the man”, branching out, and not needing a label to get their music out into the world. 

The same can be said for independent filmmakers. Everyone loves a good indie film. We have full-on film festivals just for independent films. I bet you can name your favorite indie film if someone asks you.

But often times, being an indie or self-published author is looked down upon with a raised eyebrow. Or even with the common statement, “Well, you’re not a real author. You didn’t really get published.” I can’t tell you how many times this has been said to me, even by close friends/family. 

What. The. Fuck. 

How is this any different than said musician putting their music out without a label, or a filmmaker making a movie without a big name studio backing their production? 

It’s not.

Let me tell you something. We indie authors work our asses off. We do everything ourselves. We write our novels. We edit them, ruthlessly. And a lot of us can’t afford professional editors, so our manuscripts go through countless rounds of edits. Hours and hours and hours, and months and months and months of work go into making our books ready for you to read. When I say our blood, sweat, and tears are in the pages, it’s actually quite literal. And then we also design our covers, write the blurbs, design our websites, and do our own marketing. We often spend more money putting our books out there than we make off them.

We do it all.

If that doesn’t make us real authors, I don’t know what does. 

Our author card is not revoked just because some jackoff behind a desk in a publishing house that is quickly going the way of the dinosaurs didn’t put their measly stamp of approval on our books. 

So, the next time you hesitate to pick up a book by an indie author because you think, “But they’re not a real author,” think again. We are real authors. We’re as real as you can get. We’re hardworking, passionate people, and I’ll bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised by our work.

That being said, of course there are bad indie authors just as there are bad indie musicians/filmmakers and traditional authors/musicians/filmmakers, but the majority of us work extremely hard and have a real dedication to our craft. We deserve just as much respect as anyone else. That’s all I’m trying to say. Stop writing us off.

Now, I’m going back to writing my novel, because that’s what I do – I write.

Putting It Out There

Beta readers are currently reading ‘Growth Spurt’, so I’m in that state of suspended animation full of stress and anxiety and a little bit of terror over what must be going through their heads while they read this work that has, up until now, been (mostly) my own.

That being said, I am also doing my own final read through of the book after having let it sit for a few weeks, and I am really, really proud of it. Yeah, it’s always terrifying to put your hard work out there for people to criticize, but I feel like I’ve done a good job with this book. I really, really do. More than anything I’ve written before. I like it. I like it a lot, and I hope you will, too.

Putting It Out There

Beta readers are currently reading ‘Growth Spurt’, so I’m in that state of suspended animation full of stress and anxiety and a little bit of terror over what must be going through their heads while they read this work that has, up until now, been (mostly) my own.

That being said, I am also doing my own final read through of the book after having let it sit for a few weeks, and I am really, really proud of it. Yeah, it’s always terrifying to put your hard work out there for people to criticize, but I feel like I’ve done a good job with this book. I really, really do. More than anything I’ve written before. I like it. I like it a lot, and I hope you will, too.

My little workspace is really coming together. 

Of course I’ve got my gorgeous desk, but I was also gifted this amazing Erin Condren planner last week by my BFF, Bronny. I have been having a blast figuring out what planning method works best for me. I know there are ladies out there who use tons of super adorable stickers and things to plan, and while I love that aesthetic, I don’t know if that’s for me, really. Mostly because I’m one of those people who only buys things I *need* (for the most part), and so it makes buying a lot of stickers and things really hard to justify. I might try hitting up some dollar stores in my area and seeing what I can find, but mostly I think I’m just going to decorate it in my own way with doodles and things. We’ll see. It’s only been two weeks, so I’ve got plenty of time to figure out what method works best for me. 

I’m mostly just really excited to hopefully be more productive and organized in my artistic and everyday life. I’m definitely the sort of person who does better and stays more motivated when I can see my tasks/goals written down in front of me. And I’m excited to see how many words I write per year, too. Once I get out of rewrites, that is. It’s also in perfect time for NaNoWriMo, so yay for that! 😀

I’ve posted a few pictures just to show y’all what I’ve done with it so far. I’m also keeping a list of movies I’ve watched in the notes section of the planner. I’ve always meant to do that, but never have, so it’ll be cool to have a record of that. 

Today, my aunt brought over a hand-me-down bookshelf. We’ve had this thing in my family house for as long as I can remember. She recently painted it red, which is cool, but she didn’t want it anymore, so now it’s mine. I’m super happy to have it because it got rid of a TON of clutter out of my bedroom/workspace (it’s the same space). It’s one step closer to having a cleaner/more organized house. 

You may be wondering why I don’t have a huge collection of books on this shelf. Well, that’s because a couple of years ago, I donated 99% of my books to a hospital library because I just plain prefer ebooks nowadays. I only kept a select few that are either reference books, anthologies, collections, or my partners books. I know there are probably a lot of you screaming right now because you’re die hard paper book lovers, and I’m with you. I love paper books, too. I love the smell, the feeling – all the things that come along with “real” books. But I love ebooks, too. I love that I can have an entire library at my fingertips 24/7 without taking up more than a few inches of space (one of the major problems with my physical book collection seeing as I have very limited space). I love that I can get any book I want in seconds without leaving my house. I love that I can read comfortably anywhere. I love that I can highlight and take notes in any book I’m reading (I would never do that in a physical book.) And I love that I can define words and phrases right from the device. There’s a ton of other reasons why I prefer ebooks nowadays, but the one downside is that I don’t get to take pretty bookshelf photos. 😉 So, anyway, that’s the story of where all my books went. 

It’s funny how much having a pleasant/organized work area has an effect on your motivation and productivity. I find myself wanting to be here more than I ever have. Gotta love it. 😉

My little workspace is really coming together. 

Of course I’ve got my gorgeous desk, but I was also gifted this amazing Erin Condren planner last week by my BFF, Bronny. I have been having a blast figuring out what planning method works best for me. I know there are ladies out there who use tons of super adorable stickers and things to plan, and while I love that aesthetic, I don’t know if that’s for me, really. Mostly because I’m one of those people who only buys things I *need* (for the most part), and so it makes buying a lot of stickers and things really hard to justify. I might try hitting up some dollar stores in my area and seeing what I can find, but mostly I think I’m just going to decorate it in my own way with doodles and things. We’ll see. It’s only been two weeks, so I’ve got plenty of time to figure out what method works best for me. 

I’m mostly just really excited to hopefully be more productive and organized in my artistic and everyday life. I’m definitely the sort of person who does better and stays more motivated when I can see my tasks/goals written down in front of me. And I’m excited to see how many words I write per year, too. Once I get out of rewrites, that is. It’s also in perfect time for NaNoWriMo, so yay for that! 😀

I’ve posted a few pictures just to show y’all what I’ve done with it so far. I’m also keeping a list of movies I’ve watched in the notes section of the planner. I’ve always meant to do that, but never have, so it’ll be cool to have a record of that. 

Today, my aunt brought over a hand-me-down bookshelf. We’ve had this thing in my family house for as long as I can remember. She recently painted it red, which is cool, but she didn’t want it anymore, so now it’s mine. I’m super happy to have it because it got rid of a TON of clutter out of my bedroom/workspace (it’s the same space). It’s one step closer to having a cleaner/more organized house. 

You may be wondering why I don’t have a huge collection of books on this shelf. Well, that’s because a couple of years ago, I donated 99% of my books to a hospital library because I just plain prefer ebooks nowadays. I only kept a select few that are either reference books, anthologies, collections, or my partners books. I know there are probably a lot of you screaming right now because you’re die hard paper book lovers, and I’m with you. I love paper books, too. I love the smell, the feeling – all the things that come along with “real” books. But I love ebooks, too. I love that I can have an entire library at my fingertips 24/7 without taking up more than a few inches of space (one of the major problems with my physical book collection seeing as I have very limited space). I love that I can get any book I want in seconds without leaving my house. I love that I can read comfortably anywhere. I love that I can highlight and take notes in any book I’m reading (I would never do that in a physical book.) And I love that I can define words and phrases right from the device. There’s a ton of other reasons why I prefer ebooks nowadays, but the one downside is that I don’t get to take pretty bookshelf photos. 😉 So, anyway, that’s the story of where all my books went. 

It’s funny how much having a pleasant/organized work area has an effect on your motivation and productivity. I find myself wanting to be here more than I ever have. Gotta love it. 😉

Current workspace.

Current workspace.